Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
