Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
