How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
