SEEEEXXX PLEASE
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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