What did we do last night that was yellow?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
