Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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