Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I licked your asshole in confidence.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
