i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
