I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize