I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
