Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize