Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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