yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
