i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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