Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
