3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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