conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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