This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
