Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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