Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
