And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
