it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize