tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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