My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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