I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
