I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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