Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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