She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
