Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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