god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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