I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
