After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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