Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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