READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
