My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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