Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
