i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
