You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
