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i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
