Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
