Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The power of my boobs compel you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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