Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She even gives head with a lisp.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
