i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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