i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
