yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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