12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
