Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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