just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
