Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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