My hand turned me down
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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