He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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