I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
