sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
