At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
