just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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