Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
