Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
