I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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