I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
