The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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