Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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