you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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