I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize