TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
