At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In other news, I just burned my penis
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
