he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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