I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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