He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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