she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
