just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
