STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
